For a little friendship breakup healing, read the 5 things I did for myself and for my relationships when a good friend broke up with me…
- Ask them to be clear about how you hurt them…and listen. Listen well. One afternoon, my friend had asked me to call her out of the blue. This is when she told me how hurt she had been with my lack of communication over the last couple years. We had been friends for over ten years! She no longer wanted to feel this way and wanted to end ties. Even though I did not agree with all the claims she made, I let her speak and tried to understand her perspective and why she felt the way she did.
- Take responsibility for how the friendship has evolved and wish them well. I apologized for all the pain I caused and let her know that I was unaware of how unhappy she had been with me. I also let her know that I was doing the best I can and did not have more energy and time to give at this point. If it was not enough, then I would have to accept that her definition of a friendship was no longer the same as mine. I did not appreciate the way she judged my friendship by the number of text messages she received from me on a weekly basis. I then wished her the very best and told her to take care.
- Cherish the memories and grieve. I have millions of crazy, beautiful moments with this girl and have chosen to look back at them fondly. But I cried plenty. I cried to my sisters and to my good friends. It is an interesting time for someone to realize how many great friends are still standing with you. It feels even better to learn that they accept you just the way you are – no matter how many text messages you send them.
- Reflect and think if there is anything else you want to do to improve your current friendships. I spoke to friends and sisters right after this heartbreaking phone call in search of answers and solace. I have always appreciated my relationships with these girls so I also asked if I was causing them any unhappiness and if they needed more from me. I asked in part because I did not want to lose any of these dear friends and because I really do want to make them happy.
- Move on. In the end, you can’t please everyone. And that’s so hard to understand when you’re a people-pleaser like myself. Losing a friend hurt a lot. But deep down, I know what kind of person I am. I am a kind, optimistic and caring person who wants to comfort the disheartened while always wishing I could do more. I am not a terrible friend. I am just not the kind of friend this specific person wants to keep. So learn what you can when people move in and out of your lives. Be sure you’re good to those who will be there for you in the long haul.
If a friend has ever broken up with you, please fill me in on what happened and how you handled it!