Since I was a teenager I knew I would eventually want to be a mother. I even told myself by the time I turn 30 I would somehow have a baby, man or no man. Well my wish came sooner than expected; on September 13,2015 my daughter Eleanor was born, I was 26. I had such a great pregnancy! I seriously loved it, besides getting stretch marks the last 5 weeks of my pregnancy and carpal tunnel in both hands:/
The day Eleanor was born, I was in some sort of shock and everything seemed like a haze. I thought I would feel instant love and happiness but I felt blank. I thought to myself maybe it’s because of the epidural and I’m still feeling it.
I knew I loved my daughter but for some reason I couldn’t feel it. This makes me cry just thinking about it. It wasn’t until two weeks later, I was sitting on the couch with my husband breastfeeding my baby and I just started bawling because I felt something that instant that I believe I should’ve felt when I first saw her. I felt like my normal self was back again, but I was wrong.
Throughout the next 4 max 5 months I had my good moments and really bad ones. I had horrible dark thoughts and started to scare myself but I feared if I told my doctor my baby would be taken from me. I broke down one day and told my husband. He was so kind, he said everything is going to be fine and we’ll do whatever has to be done for me to get better. From that day forward I felt so much better.
I totally feel like myself again but honestly I wish I would have said something sooner to my doctor, husband, or other family members. They are here to help not judge, so ask for help if needed. Luckily for me I didn’t need medication and it didn’t last a long time but I know for others it could. Postpartum Depression is scary as fuck it’s not something you leave untreated nor something women should fear talking about. It’s time to normalize talks about postpartum depression because it can happen to anybody. – Nene