I Want To Leave My Husband…

Most of the time. I swear I married the rudest man ever. Was he always like this? Kind of. He’s always been shy but like they say it’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for. 

We started dating in 2007, he was my first official boyfriend and the young man I lost my virginity to. Even then I never saw him in my life forever. When I lost my virginity to him I wanted to dump him the next day, just felt like the right thing to do and I was also a bit ashamed. Losing your virginity is nothing romantic, bunch of ‘ouch’ and ‘oh shit am I really doing this.’ He really did care for me so I decided not to leave him. We dated over a year and then I broke it off, the fool was controlling. He was what we call a machista and I couldn’t deal with it. We didn’t get back together until almost 2 years later , I believe, I could be wrong on exactly when but we eventually got back together. I had my fun while I was single but I still missed the fool. I also noticed some changes, he was kinder, more open and not controlling. 

 We married May 2013 thinking he was joining the air force so after training I could be close to him but then his boss gave him a raise and a higher position, he couldn’t resist. Everything was great we lived in a small apartment in a shitty town (like every great love story, hahaha) but we were honestly happy, yes he still had things that annoyed me but the good side totally outweighed the bad. It wasn’t until our daughter was born where the things that annoyed me a little started to annoy me A LOT! I truly didn’t want my daughter to see that side of her father, his rudeness, negativeness, laziness. All those things make me angry and cause the ugly side of me to come out, which I also don’t want my daughter to see.

 No matter how much I cry to my husband and tell him over and over that his ways have to change for our children’s sake and ours he doesn’t change. And honestly I don’t think he’ll ever change, he says he will, but easier said then done. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep and his demanding job, I don’t know, but something’s going to have to change, or I’m out son. Honestly I love him but my children are my everything, sounds cheesy but they are and I’ll do anything to provide them a happy home.                

This is some deep shit but its life and it’s what I’m dealing with at the moment. I know things will end up just fine, that way of thinking is what gets me through life and knowing I have such a fucken amazing family/support system helps even more. My husband has to find the silver lining to all this cause I can’t do it on my own. I still have hope for him but it’s wearing very very thin. Nene

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