Ser Mujer..

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…is not easy. I’m reminded of this everyday. Even though I know anything I put my mind and heart into I can do it, but why must society still paint us a certain way.

I know we were built differently then men but I believe that was the point. In order to create a human a woman and man must have sex (that doesn’t apply nowadays thanks to science;) I think reproduction was both of our main purpose. All the feelings and emotions were the extra that came with us. So then why are men seen more superior, I seriously don’t fucken know. Someone please answer this for me, did religion start this???

I remember clearly seeing the face of my husband and mom when we were about to find out the sex of my first baby. When the lady announced it was a girl, my husband and moms face were like ‘what??? No…’ It pissed me off, still that reaction is disappointing til this day. I wanted a girl because I’m surrounded by strong, crazy, beautiful, and smart women in my life that I wanted to add 1, 2, or 3 to our tribe. I asked my mom why her reaction was the one she gave, of course at first she denied it but later after asking and asking and asking her (uuuu she wanted to hit me,hahaha) she finally answered, “Women suffer the most.” I understood where that came from, my mom has gone through some tough times but I was quick to remind her how strong she is and how strong her daughters are cause of it. She of course stood by her answer, being the hard headed Mexican woman she is (love you Mami). I reassured her that I will show, teach and tell her granddaughter everything it is to be a woman in this world, sucks that yeah some things aren’t great but most things will be challenging and beautiful which will make you the woman you are to become.

I will tell and show my daughter that it’s ok to dream, cry, scream, laugh as loud as you want. She can accomplish any fucken thing she dedicates herself to. Or love whoever her heart wants to love. She’s a woman with a mind, just like a man, and no one can tell her how to use it. Now that’s powerful.

I’m hoping for this equality shit between women and men to better by the time my daughter and children start realizing this type of stuff. But for now we all must have smart conversations about this subject everywhere and do what we need to do to see it change for the better. I know the president we have right now doesn’t help any of this but he just gives us more reason to demand what’s right for all, especially women.

In the famous words of Queen B, “Who run the world? GIRLS!” Keep on trucking girls!




Crawling out of the Darkness


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See you never, 2016.

I hear everyone saying that 2016 was the worst. Coincidentally, it was a tough year for me and it was not just because of the elections. However, the elections was some pretty disgusting icing on a cake straight out of the Trunchbull’s oven (read the book Matilda). This year was full of moves, new jobs, dealing with some painful family issues and relationship trouble. I was in the thick of it for about six months and I never want to be there again. But I know really important lessons come from pain and I need to look at 2016 as a teacher.

So what did I learn?

  • I do not have control over a lot of things. Like all external things. It is not my responsibility to fix everything and it’s okay. Focus on me and my inner calm.
  • Connecting with friends is so important for my own mental health.
  • Writing and journaling are my healers.
  • Worrying did not help any.
  • Kind people are the best!
  • Doing something different, something new, will help you.
  • Plan more next time when a transition is heading your way. You need it and deserve it.
  • Give yourself the time to transition and rest.
  • Sister are angels.

What did I accomplish?

  • I moved closer to family and I see my sisters more often
  • I journal more
  • I read more books
  • I am earning the highest income ever and saving roughly 50% of my income.
  • I found a job with coworkers I like
  • I started a blog with my sisters
  • I have a new and lovely home.

What do I want for 2017? I am still designing my master plan for this year but I am really excited and optimistic and unicorns and rainbows are involved. Yes, that excited.

Where did the proud Chicana go….Part 1

zaI remember always being proud of who I was, meaning being American-Mexican, a Chicana. I mean I was the 15 year old wearing pro-immigration, Zapata, Juanes and Chicano pride shirts to school. I listened and danced to banda, cumbias and rock en español. I actively looked for books written by Latinos at my nearby library with very very little success. Throughout high school my major projects had to do with the plight and history of Latinos in this country. I was tired of being ignored. Of my community being ignored in the history books, in our school and in my town. I wanted our existence acknowledged along with the inequity that followed us. I was not afraid of the stares or whispers or ruffling feathers. And as of late I have recognized that fire I once had has been missing for a few years. I think, as I grew older I became complaisant and I lost some of my voice and identity too. -Bella

New Year Resolutions

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Happy New Year amigos! May 2017 be more exciting since 2016 was one of my draining and laziest years of my life. My apologies to my daughter, I swear Lenny Mommy is not this boring. So let’s get to it, New Year Resolutions!!! Yes mine is probably the most fucken popular resolution for every year, losing weight. I personally feel like I need this resolution, not only cause I want to look great but because my weight is affecting everything about me. From my physical to my emotional side.

I’m the biggest i’ve ever been and i’m not happy. I didnt take control of my health like i should have nor did I try. On this pregnancy, I have been too tired to focus on myself. Honestly i feel that my weight takes a toll on how I parent. Being tired all day, forcing myself to step out of the house, and eating like crap all has to do with the way i’m feeling about myself which i know is affecting my daughter in someway.

I know people say losing weight doesn’t solve everything and I don’t expect it to but when i lost major weight 2.5 years ago, i was the happiest and healthiest i’ve ever been in my life. I had all the control and it felt amazing. My confidence was honestly beaming. Not to toot my own horn but i looked damn good in a lot of things even not so cute clothing items. I was just so happy. I need that back, like yesterday. My baby is due in a month and i know you can’t work out for 6 weeks after giving birth, so i figured preparing myself now hopefully helps after i give birth. I said hopefully.

How i plan to prepare myself during the next 4 weeks: learning to meal prep, sleeping earlier, and doing some minor yoga. This might not sound like so much but it’s better than what i’ve been doing, which is nothing. I’ll keep you peeps updated and tell you the ugly truth about it all. Wish me luck bitches! And cheers to 2017 cause even Trump can’t kill my vibe.