Image result for iud mirena

 I’m alive!!! So I went in for my postpartum appointment ready to get my birth control cause this girl can’t do this again anytime soon. I couldn’t decide between the IUD or the Implant, heard some bad shit about the IUD, then someone close to me got it and said she was fine with it. Ultimately I went with the IUD (Mirena to be exact), my OBGYN really recommended it. She said I was a bit open since I just pushed out a being it wouldn’t be as uncomfortable to get. I didn’t read on how the procedure went for other women since my doctor made it sound like it wouldn’t hurt. So I recorded how my first week went, here it goes:

 MONDAY (Day of IUD insert): Thinking to myself, way to start a Monday. As I’m leaving to my appointment my mom says ‘make sure they put cement up there! (In Spanish of course), Thanks mom. My OBGYN was right it didn’t hurt in my case, the only thing that was uncomfortable was the spreader thing that kept my vagina open for the procedure. Came home later and used the restroom after a full bladder and something felt funny and hurt a little, felt like I could feel the IUD. I started to worry so of course I go to the one source I truly trust… Google. Read how this tends to happen if you had a full bladder and many suggested to feel the string to see if it was in place, I said I ain’t ready for that, if the pain gets bad I’ll just go to the doctors. The bleeding wasn’t bad… the first day.

 TUESDAY: I really need to pee more often, waiting until my bladder is super full isn’t helping. Still bleeding a bit.

 WEDNESDAY: Had the biggest discomfort today, maybe it had to do with carrying my 18 months old most of the day. Bleeding is still happening.

 THURSDAY: Wait am I still suppose to be bleeding…

 FRIDAY: Looks like I’m going to need more pads.

 SATURDAY: How am I suppose to have sex if I’m still bleeding!

 SUNDAY: Yup this must be my period,… it’s back:(

 MONDAY: Don’t like that it’s Monday and I’m bleeding but I haven’t felt a thing of discomfort from my IUD. This thing better work!



Latinas & Happiness

Reading, Hammock, Relax, Female, Summer, Woman, Book
Hammocks + Books = Happiness

Purely anecdotal but I do not know a lot of latinas who make their own personal happiness a priority, including myself. I got to thinking about this while listening to a podcast called Over It and On With It where life coach, Christine Hassler asked a listener whether she thinks she deserves to be happy. The listener responded with a flood of personal beliefs about happiness which including that being happy means being careless and irresponsible and selfish. When she spoke those words, I was like, “Yes, those are my beliefs too.” It clicked for me. I wish it hadn’t and I wish this is not what I believed. I know this not right or healthy but I totally identified with that listener. This does not make being happy an easy process. I resist it. I come from two immigrant parents who worked really hard for a long time. They valued hard work. I remember my mom always saying we should marry a hard worker. She didn’t say anything about a nice guy or someone who will treat us right or be faithful, it was simply, find a hard worker. And always BE a hard worker. And take care of your family and don’t you dare be selfish and you have to do what’s best for the family and not just for you. Don’t be selfish. My mom’s words have changed a lot and now she just wants us to be happy but undoing all that programming is not easy and takes time.

I read about happiness, relationships, personal development. I listen to podcasts along the same genre. I also write affirmations, exercise, do yoga, try to sleep 8 hours a night. It is working but I still have a hard time putting myself first. I have a hard time doing what is best for me and investing in myself. I now try to surround myself with people who make me happy. I make it convenient so I see these people often and keep in contact with them. But those stupid beliefs still get to me. I’ll have an amazing day spending it with people who I love, full of laughter and games and great food. But toward the end of the day, I start feeling scared and nervous like something bad is going to happen. Like this is too good to be true. I still get scared. I want to allow myself to be happy. I want to take it all in and not worry about the bad, just because things are so good.

I deserve to be happy. And I will do the things I need to do to be happy. And I will experiment and I will get things wrong and I will try again and then try something different. But remember, you deserve to be happy no matter what people told you growing up or no matter what you saw growing up. YOU deserve to be happy. Do one thing today for yourself that will make you happy. And then keep doing it. And then a month from, do a new thing that will make you happy. And then keep doing it. Fill your life with all these things/people/actions/job that make you happy and then there won’t be room for any of that negativity.



2 under 2

 So I’ve done it! I just welcomed my second baby in February, still don’t know what I was thinking but I’m feeling blessed. It was a total different labor experience from my first except it was still vaginally, but he’s here and I couldn’t be happier. 

 As for my daughter who will soon be 18 months! (Tears, she’s getting so big) She totally loves on him but only for a certain amount of time. Her tantrums have gotten a bit worse but I’m sure it’s due to all the change or it’s what 18 mos old acts like. I’m blessed to have my mother and a sister watching over her since I’m not suppose to be carrying her the first month (I bend the rules here and there). 

 I’m tired but sane, having people helping is what’s keeping me sane (made this mistake with my first). I’m nervous to experience what it will be like doing this on my own but I’m sure I’ll be fine….right? Two kids under two, yup sounds crazy but it’s doable…? It really gives me anxiety just thinking about it… How do people do it with more than one kid?!?!? Magic??? Alcohol??? Yoga???

 I guess the only thing I can really do is what I was advised to tell myself, ‘this is only temporary’, I’m going to have to repeat that to myself a million times a day. Ok so here’s to my new adventure, wish me luck! If you don’t hear from me next week I didn’t make it..


Plan of Attack: Happiness (part 2)

adult, book, business

I read the Happiness Project and couldn’t help but love the organization of Gretchen Rubin’s plan to make yourself happier. Not all people are going to love such a systematic approach to happiness but it appealed to me and my personality. After establishing your personal commandments for the year, you establish the 12 areas of your life you would like to see an increase in happiness. Each area will be a focus for each month of the year.

These are mine:

January: Tidy up your life

February:  Health & Fitness


March: Self Care & Exploration


April: Companionship


May: Passion Projects

June: Confidence


July: Nature

August: Friendships

September:  Spirituality


October: Leisure


November: Business


December: Reflection

Next Step: Break down the plan by month.

What areas of your life could you be happier?



Mi Happiness Project (part 1)

cheerful, close-up, coffee

I read the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and I’ve decided to create my own Happiness Project this year just to give me a constant nudge to think about what makes me happy and a reminder to keep doing those things.

Project begins by identifying personal commandments that you use or want to adopt for your life that encourage your own kind of happiness. Here are mine:

  1. Be the kind of woman I want my daughters to be
  2. Go Outside
  3. Forget the Past
  4. Let go, Let God
  5. Stay In Touch
  6. Fail often
  7. I am always more than enough
  8. Be silly, be playful
  9. First, mother yourself
  10. Be a haven, a sanctuary
  11. Create
  12. Be a treasure house of good memories
  13. Smile to yourself
  14. What other people think of me is none of my business
  15. There are no wrong choices
  16. All the heavy things, just let them go
  17. I am not a victim, I am a Creator of my beautiful life.

I like to look at these commandments at the beginning of the day or when I am feeling sad or stressed out.

Next step: Identify 12 areas from your life where you want to be more happy and fulfilled.

What are your personal commandments?


Ser Mujer..

Image result for ni puta ni santa solo mujer translation

…is not easy. I’m reminded of this everyday. Even though I know anything I put my mind and heart into I can do it, but why must society still paint us a certain way.

I know we were built differently then men but I believe that was the point. In order to create a human a woman and man must have sex (that doesn’t apply nowadays thanks to science;) I think reproduction was both of our main purpose. All the feelings and emotions were the extra that came with us. So then why are men seen more superior, I seriously don’t fucken know. Someone please answer this for me, did religion start this???

I remember clearly seeing the face of my husband and mom when we were about to find out the sex of my first baby. When the lady announced it was a girl, my husband and moms face were like ‘what??? No…’ It pissed me off, still that reaction is disappointing til this day. I wanted a girl because I’m surrounded by strong, crazy, beautiful, and smart women in my life that I wanted to add 1, 2, or 3 to our tribe. I asked my mom why her reaction was the one she gave, of course at first she denied it but later after asking and asking and asking her (uuuu she wanted to hit me,hahaha) she finally answered, “Women suffer the most.” I understood where that came from, my mom has gone through some tough times but I was quick to remind her how strong she is and how strong her daughters are cause of it. She of course stood by her answer, being the hard headed Mexican woman she is (love you Mami). I reassured her that I will show, teach and tell her granddaughter everything it is to be a woman in this world, sucks that yeah some things aren’t great but most things will be challenging and beautiful which will make you the woman you are to become.

I will tell and show my daughter that it’s ok to dream, cry, scream, laugh as loud as you want. She can accomplish any fucken thing she dedicates herself to. Or love whoever her heart wants to love. She’s a woman with a mind, just like a man, and no one can tell her how to use it. Now that’s powerful.

I’m hoping for this equality shit between women and men to better by the time my daughter and children start realizing this type of stuff. But for now we all must have smart conversations about this subject everywhere and do what we need to do to see it change for the better. I know the president we have right now doesn’t help any of this but he just gives us more reason to demand what’s right for all, especially women.

In the famous words of Queen B, “Who run the world? GIRLS!” Keep on trucking girls!



Crawling out of the Darkness


Image result for light at the end of the tunnel
See you never, 2016.

I hear everyone saying that 2016 was the worst. Coincidentally, it was a tough year for me and it was not just because of the elections. However, the elections was some pretty disgusting icing on a cake straight out of the Trunchbull’s oven (read the book Matilda). This year was full of moves, new jobs, dealing with some painful family issues and relationship trouble. I was in the thick of it for about six months and I never want to be there again. But I know really important lessons come from pain and I need to look at 2016 as a teacher.

So what did I learn?

  • I do not have control over a lot of things. Like all external things. It is not my responsibility to fix everything and it’s okay. Focus on me and my inner calm.
  • Connecting with friends is so important for my own mental health.
  • Writing and journaling are my healers.
  • Worrying did not help any.
  • Kind people are the best!
  • Doing something different, something new, will help you.
  • Plan more next time when a transition is heading your way. You need it and deserve it.
  • Give yourself the time to transition and rest.
  • Sister are angels.

What did I accomplish?

  • I moved closer to family and I see my sisters more often
  • I journal more
  • I read more books
  • I am earning the highest income ever and saving roughly 50% of my income.
  • I found a job with coworkers I like
  • I started a blog with my sisters
  • I have a new and lovely home.

What do I want for 2017? I am still designing my master plan for this year but I am really excited and optimistic and unicorns and rainbows are involved. Yes, that excited.

Where did the proud Chicana go….Part 1

zaI remember always being proud of who I was, meaning being American-Mexican, a Chicana. I mean I was the 15 year old wearing pro-immigration, Zapata, Juanes and Chicano pride shirts to school. I listened and danced to banda, cumbias and rock en español. I actively looked for books written by Latinos at my nearby library with very very little success. Throughout high school my major projects had to do with the plight and history of Latinos in this country. I was tired of being ignored. Of my community being ignored in the history books, in our school and in my town. I wanted our existence acknowledged along with the inequity that followed us. I was not afraid of the stares or whispers or ruffling feathers. And as of late I have recognized that fire I once had has been missing for a few years. I think, as I grew older I became complaisant and I lost some of my voice and identity too. -Bella

New Year Resolutions

Image result for hello 2017

Happy New Year amigos! May 2017 be more exciting since 2016 was one of my draining and laziest years of my life. My apologies to my daughter, I swear Lenny Mommy is not this boring. So let’s get to it, New Year Resolutions!!! Yes mine is probably the most fucken popular resolution for every year, losing weight. I personally feel like I need this resolution, not only cause I want to look great but because my weight is affecting everything about me. From my physical to my emotional side.

I’m the biggest i’ve ever been and i’m not happy. I didnt take control of my health like i should have nor did I try. On this pregnancy, I have been too tired to focus on myself. Honestly i feel that my weight takes a toll on how I parent. Being tired all day, forcing myself to step out of the house, and eating like crap all has to do with the way i’m feeling about myself which i know is affecting my daughter in someway.

I know people say losing weight doesn’t solve everything and I don’t expect it to but when i lost major weight 2.5 years ago, i was the happiest and healthiest i’ve ever been in my life. I had all the control and it felt amazing. My confidence was honestly beaming. Not to toot my own horn but i looked damn good in a lot of things even not so cute clothing items. I was just so happy. I need that back, like yesterday. My baby is due in a month and i know you can’t work out for 6 weeks after giving birth, so i figured preparing myself now hopefully helps after i give birth. I said hopefully.

How i plan to prepare myself during the next 4 weeks: learning to meal prep, sleeping earlier, and doing some minor yoga. This might not sound like so much but it’s better than what i’ve been doing, which is nothing. I’ll keep you peeps updated and tell you the ugly truth about it all. Wish me luck bitches! And cheers to 2017 cause even Trump can’t kill my vibe.



Church Hunting Begins

Church, Switzerland, Old, Landmark
I did not know churches could be so cute. Not my church tho. So I went to church and I liked it.

So I went to church and I liked it.

There were moments when the pastor was totally speaking my language and we were vibing and then there were moments where I was like…nah, I don’t think so. But overall, I enjoyed that hour and a half where we dedicated time and space for thoughts on how to serve the world and myself. It wasn’t all easy. I did not know what kind of service we were attending until we got to the front of the church and we realized it was Baptist. I hesitated and questioned my entire notion of attending a service. My boyfriend was by my side and simply asked, “Are you going to look back and be happy you tried this today?” I thought yes and we walked in. Good boyfriend.

 I come from a Catholicism upbringing where I dreaded going to Church and being read to straight out of the bible. I want to give this church thing another try but I want to do it my way. I have never been a steady church goer and now that I am older and now what I like (half of the time at least), I want to give this church thing another try. But this time, I am going to do it my way. I am visiting churches by order of proximity to my home no matter what religion it is. I am looking for a pastor/priest and community where I feel connected and understood.

I am on a hunt and I hope to come up on a sweet service with a kind community.