Fuck it. I’m going to Church.


Well, I am going to try it.

I was baptized Catholic but never did my first communion. I went to Catholic Church on some Saturdays as a child but I was never into it. In fact, I dreaded it. I mostly remember my mom pinching me for giggling or for catching my sister and I playing thumb war. I went to a Catholic university but not because it was Catholic. I had my first positive Church experience there and I had professors who were priests and nuns and they were fantastic teachers who were able to have rational and warm conversations about God and spirituality. I really enjoyed it and it felt so different from the dark and gloomy Catholicism I experienced as a child. After college, I stopped going to mass.

This past year has been a tough year for me. It has also been a tough year for my relationship with my boyfriend. I did not think about going back to Church until one of my sisters recommended it to me as I told her about my S.O. problems. I have never thought of Church as a source of relief or help.

Now that I am slowly coming out of a dark period in my life, I am trying to look ahead and plan for a new year full of self care activities. This list may include therapy, regular exercise routine, more friend dates and Church. I do not what I am looking to get out of this or if it will bring me any happiness at all but I am going to get out of my comfort zone and visit different services at different churches until I find one that speaks to me. And it is okay if I do not find something. But for my own sake, I need something new and different.

Wish me luck.